The internet doesn't like me

I had a post about Dirk Nowitzki winning the MVP almost finished before my internet decided to kick me in the kidney and freeze up and of course I didn't save it so I lost everything. Oh well, i'll attempt to do this again, eventhough I have no idea what I was talking about. Maybe I should look to upgrade my PC sometime.

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I would like to give out a special thanks to Davey over at Blowncoverage.com for helping me change and fix my template.

"It's so easy, a caveman can do it" --Geico

"Bullshit, I have the mental capacity of a retarded squirrel"--Jay

A conversation amongst friends.

Well the Hokies-Illini game is on right now and surprisingly me and Davey are both getting it. Here's a little sample of how are intuitive conversation is going at the moment.

Davey: Hey Jay, what are you doing?
Jay: oh you know...just the usual...
Davey: snorting lines of coke off of a Cambodian hooker?
Jay: no, no...i'm watching the Hokies game...I only do that on holidays.
Davey: Oh, I see how's H2kies doing?
Jay: Kicking ass and taking names...like always
Davey: Jay, they're losing
Jay: *sarcastic tone* uhh, Davey you don't have to be winning to be kicking ass..duh!
(Brian Randle scores)
Jay: Oh what the fuck, fuck that guy...I hear he kicks babies.
Davey: Hahahaha, now now...don't be starting rumors
Jay: whatever.....(Randle scores again) Oh what the fuck, fuck that guy...him and his unnecessary facial hair...he looks like fucking Juwan Howard. Go kick a baby you inconsiderate douche.
Davey: Hahahahahahaha...damn man, you killing me.
(Randle misses an alley-oop and it sails into the stands)
Jay: Hahahahahahaha...damn skippy he missed it, Deron Washington wouldn't have missed it.
Davey: Did you just use the phrase "damn skippy"?
Jay: Yeah...so?
Davey: oh never mind
(Offensive foul called on A.D. Vassallo)
Jay: Fuck that...offensive foul my ass...A.D., I demand you kick that man in the mouth...KICK HIM!
(Rich McBride hits a 3-pointer as he's falling down, and gets the foul)
Jay: fuck that...
Jay: fuck that....What happened to GRAVITY!!!...
Davey: Wow, come on, you gotta admit, that shot was nice
Jay: he cheated...I don't know how he did...but that bastard cheated
(Coleman Collins misses a break away dunk)
Jay: How do you miss an open dunk....what the hell...Oh now he's smiling...don't smile you thick necked muthafucka....
Jay: I take that back Mr. Collins...I just remembered you are a very large individual and you would beat me like Ike beats Tina.

More to come I suppose...it's halftime Illinois leads 29-21

I have officially lost all the dignity that I had.

It is official, I have absolutely no dignity left. I lost majority of it when I got beaten up by that 6'4" 280 pound "girl" a couple years ago(but that a story for another time).

Let me set the mood so to speak, I was sitting at home...alone...at my computer(big surprise there) anyways, i'm sitting there and I receive an email from my 7 year old cousin. It's been awhile since I had talked to her, so I thought "hey, I haven't talked with her in like forever, I bet she wants to tell me about how cool ponies and pixies and barbies are" or whatever the hell 7 year old girls like.

So I open the email and it's one of those damn screamers. It scared the shit out of me, now normally those things don't scare me, but I had the lights off, headphones on while reading my "How to be like Chuck" book when I open an email from a what I thought to be a nice normal 7 year old only turned out to be a very unhappy demon child with bad teeth that doesn't know the meaning of "inside voice". So of course I fall out of my chair screaming and beginning to cry hysterically until my roommate Chaz rushes in to see whats going on and he says and I quote "dude is their a woman crying in here" then he looks down at me and he can't hide the laughter because he realizes there is a rather large puddle of yellow liquid surrounding me. So there it is, just another subject that I can talk about with my psychiatrist.

So what does any self-respecting male do when their pride has been thrashed like mine do? Why they create a top 10 list of the ugliest basketball players of all-time...duh.

10. Scottie Pippen

9. Jake Tsakalidis

8. Shawn Bradley

7. Mengke Bateer

6. Calvin Booth

5. Keith Closs

4. Popeye Jones

3. Gheorghe Muresan

2. Tyrone Hill

1. Sam Cassell

Coach- Hubie Brown

Honorable mention: Roberto Duenas

There, I feel slightly better about myself, that is until some mentions how rich most of them are and they are all bigger, stronger and get more poon even though they have big ass ears like Popeye and a distorted face like Gheorghe and an alien face like Cassell and just a plain fucked up face like Tyrone, that's when I grab that bottle of Jack Daniels and drink till the pain stops.

Ok, I admit defeat.

I feel a lot like Roy Williams at this point. Some may remember when Roy Williams left me speechless a couple of months ago when he guaranteed a victory over the Chicago Bears only to eventually lose by 27 points.

With that said, just five days ago, I guaranteed a win over Depaul. On a side note I must mention, anytime someone guarantees a win, one of two things will happen. Either you guarantee a win and you win, you look like a genius for calling it and receive praise from everyone that you know, or you guarantee it and you lose, resulting ultimate embarrassment because you rode around your office on a sled being pulled by actual huskies with fitted jerseys of the UConn players for the past couple of days. I,of course am the latter.

UConn fell once again, this time to Depaul. No, sadly I did not stutter. Depaul beat us, 66-58. Jim Calhoun decided to go with another new starting lineup this time benching Jerome Dyson for the first time all season, who coincidentally led us in scoring with 16. In his replace was Craig Austrie, one of the two players currently on our roster that got significant playing time last year. He didn't really fair to well, only scoring 9 points in 27 minutes. To add insult to injury, as a team we shot 37% from the field. Let me talk a little about the number 37. Last night against Texas Tech, Kevin Durant scored 37 points, he's a freshman. We scored exactly 37 points in the second half last night, last year a 3-foot women gave birth....the women weighed only 37 pounds and just a few weeks ago, CBP Border Patrol seized 37 pounds of marijuana. I'm sure you see where i'm going with this...ok fine, that last two have absolutely nothing to do with sports, but damn, that's a lot of weed.

With this latest loss we will most likely miss our shot at the NCAA Tournament. And if we can't pull off a couple of upsets in our remaining games, we could miss out on the Big East Tournament. Hello NIT.

In other news, Virginia Tech also lost last night. Their lost to N.C. State, 70-59, snapped their 10-game home winning streak. This loss also capped off what was a very special month of January for the Hokies, with wins over Duke, UNC, Maryland, GT and Miami. Oh and just a side note, the Hokies shot 35% from the field. I won't go into detail on that one though.

A quick recap.

It's time to take a quick look at how i'm doing so far in my college football predictions.

As of right now i'm 17-13. Yeah, not doing so well. I probably should mention that I made these picks the second they came out. Still, not an excuse, just pointing that out. Oh come on, I need to hold on what little dignity I have left. At least i'm guaranteed to finish above 500, unlike my Bengals.

By the way, I chose Southern Miss to beat Ohio and Ohio State to come out victorious in the National Championship game.