It's magic time baby! Fun with google

It's another slow sports day relatively speaking so Davey and I through the power of messenger, have decided to bring back a fan favorite at our fine establishments, Fun with Google. Basically it just gives us a chance to flex our comedy skills I guess or more so our ability to type in random shit and find awkward pictures that make us giggle like pre-pubescent girls.

So here we go, Fun with Google: Random Shitt Edition

This first picture may bring up some memories that Chicago Bears' quarterback Rex Grossman may not want to. Some of you may remember when I found some rather unusual pictures from the Super Bowl in which Sexy Rexy was violently thrusted against his will on live T.V. by Robert Manthis, who I should mention is a rather large individual. But as this picture clearly shows, this was not the first time a large man has come into contact with Mr. Grossman's hiney(yes I said hiney). It's ok, i'm sure he took it all in stride.

To keep the doggy style penetration going here's a rather odd picture that is sure to bring up plenty of "what's he doing to her mommy" questions from our curious youth at the local Zoo. Just a few ideas of what you could say are:

Mom: I wouldn't know hunny *gives a death stare towards husband*.

Mom: You see darling, the boy panda slipped on some water and was about to fall down but the girl panda caught him using her rear end, you know for better support.

This one is from my own family collection as a youth my parents were really big in keeping me active despite the fact that I had no athletic ability whatsoever. But alas everytime there was a sporting event they would trot me out there and watch me get my ass handed to me, and to be honest I'm beginning to think they were enjoying it just a bit. This picture is of me during basketball tryouts and as you can imagine, I didn't quite make the cut, some bullshit about poor hand eye coordination. Whatever I think it was because they were jealous by my superior body.

As children me and Davey always wanted to be super heroes. But sadly that dream never came true, until that is when Davey surprised me when he came to my house dressed up as Diabetes Guy. It was grand fun, you see Diabetes Guy was equipped with super fast roller blades that allowed extreme mobility, you know for running down bad guys and stuff. He also had an ammo belt filled with our childhood favorites such as snickers. It was all fun and games until the chocolate melted and Davey later skinned his knee chasing down a guy who parked in a handicap spot. Sure the guy was old and had a walker and blind in one eye, but he had no reason to take that spot, come to think of it maybe he did deserve the spot. Oh well.

Well I'm going to cut these shenanigans short seeing as how I have some shit to do, but i'll update with more pictures soon enough.

Phillip Wellman suspended but not fired

The Atlanta Braves have decided that Phillip Wellman's tirade was enough to earn a three-game suspension. Over the weekend, Mississippi Braves manager, Wellman, was a little eccentric after being ejected for arguing balls and strikes.

• Throw hat to the ground...check
• Insult umpire's mother...check
• Get on one knee and cover home plate in dirt and outline a new plate...check
• Rip third and second base out of the ground and throw them...check
• Crawl to the the pitcher's mound and throw the rosin bag like it's a grenade at the umpire...CLASSIC and check

Wellman has yet to hear from the Southern League President, but you can expect he will in due time and expect another suspension. I would've thought his antics would've earned him a longer suspension, but let's see what the prez has to say. Wellman and the Braves have declined to comment on the situation, I can't wait to see that interview.

Update: Wellman's shenanigans(I love that word)

Well another video of Phillip Wellman's ejection, although the video is much much better, the person who uploaded the video disabled embeding, so the best I can do is give you the URL...So here it is, Wellman's shenanigans.

Side Note: Wellman's grenade toss kind of reminds me of dinner at my Grandfathers, back when he used to have flashbacks of World War II and he started to reenact the battle scenes, I can't even begin to remember how many dinner rolls I've been pelted with in my day.

UPDATE #2: Finally a video is available that I can embed.

Phillip Wellman: You ain't seen nothing yet

During Friday night's loss to the Chattanooga Lookouts, Mississippi Braves manager, Phillip Wellman decided to put on a show before leaving after being ejected in the third inning.

Wellman's show started after one ball in the bottom of the third. He burst out of the third-base dugout, flinging his hat behind home plate and getting in the face of plate umpire Brent Rice.

After having his say in a nose-to-nose conversation, Wellman strolled over to the plate and started kicking dirt on it. Then he dropped to a knee, scooped dirt on the plate and outlined a new one in the dirt.

Then Wellman walked down to third base and gave Rusty Barrett, the ump there, a piece of his mind before pulling the base out of the ground as a batboy scampered out of the dugout to reclaim the tossed hat. Wellman headed toward second base and tossed third into center field.

The antics continued.

Wellman crawled up the mound on his elbows and knees and flung the rosin bag toward the plate as if it were a grenade. He went back to second base, pulled it from the ground, grabbed third base and headed toward the clubhouse.

He ended the show by turning to the cheering crowd and waving goodbye.

"That was a pretty good show," Botelho said. "I'd probably rank it No. 1."

Let me be the first, or one of the first to present, one of the greatest freak outs in baseball history...

Chad Johnson is going to embarrass a horse

According to Ben Maller, Cincinnati Bengal's wide receiver, Chad Johnson, will race a horse on June 9th at River Downs.

To benefit the charity "Feed the Children," Johnson will try to match strides with a 4-year-old colt named Restore the Roar over RD's turf course.

The event, billed as "Man vs. Beast," will be the feature race and will be simulcast to more than 400 outlets across the country and in South America.

The horse will break from the inside from a starting gate at the eighth pole, and Johnson will break from the outside rail going 11/16 of a mile to the wire. The distances are calculated to create a photo finish.

We're about to see a man kick a horse's ass everyone, photo finish my ass, Chad is gonna make this horse cry. Me and Davey once entered a three-legged race against a couple of drug induced pandas...and we inevitably lost by 14 lenghts, we like to think we put in a good effort.

UPDATE: Sneaky sneaky Mr. Rod...wait that sounds dirty

I said I would update as soon as a video was available and since I didn't come out of my drunken coma until about 10 minutes ago, it's already made it's way around other sites. But here is the video of Alex Rodriguez screaming at Howie Clark causing him to misplay the ball.



My boii Davey was the first to jump on this video like a raging virgin getting laid for the first time he then passed it to the Fanhouse for some good ole "sloppy seconds" and then I get to it and I don't even want to begin to think what it's called the third time around....

Blowncoverage and the Fanhouse

Sneaky sneaky Mr. Rod...wait that sounds dirty

During the ninth inning with two-outs, Alex Rodriguez, who had just hit an RBI-single, was running hard into second base after Jorge Posada had hit a high pop-up in between the Toronto Blue Jay's shortstop, John McDonald and the Jay's third baseman, Howie Clark. As they both closed in on the ball, Rodriguez appeared to call them both off making them both get out of the way letting the ball fall harmlessly to the ground allowing Hideki Matsui to score.

Replays showed Rodriguez shouting something, and Clark backed off at the last second. McDonald was only a few steps behind Clark, but couldn't make the catch and ball dropped for an RBI single.

"I just said, 'Hah!' That's it," Rodriguez said. "Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't."

McDonald started jawing with Rodriguez, and third base umpire Chad Fairchild got between them. Toronto manager John Gibbons came out to argue, and exchanged words with Rodriguez and third base coach Larry Bowa before leaving the field as plate umpire Eric Cooper intervened. Rodriguez stayed on the bag with a smirk.

I'll update when a video is available, but to quote Rob Cope from the Braves Journal, "that’s straight out of Major League II. Nice."

Full story on Yahoo Sports and ESPN.

I'm not a betting man, but if i was...

Ok, i'm am not a betting man by any stretch of the imagination, partly because I spend my money the second I get, sure it's not good in the long run, but hey, I needed those sparkling purple pumps and it was an emergency. But if I was to bet on who I think will win tomorrow night's very important game four between the San Antonio Spurs and Utah Jazz, I'd take the Jazz.

I feel good about taking the Jazz for a few reasons, first of which, they donkey punched the hell out of the Spurs Saturday night, 109-83, thanks to Deron Williams and his 31 points, 8 assists and 5 steals. Those are Allen Iverson numbers, son! So take the momentum heading into game four and the fact that they are playing at home, which the Jazz are currently 7-0 in the playoffs at home and 3-0 against the Spurs while at home during the regular season, so yeah, I think it's a pretty safe bet.

• San Antonio Spurs @ Utah Jazz

The Jazz are currently one point favorites according to BetUs.com. So in order for me to win the bet, i'm picking Utah to win by two points. And I'm going to take the under on the total points which is set for 191, also according to BetUs. So in order for me to win dolla dolla bills ya'll the Jazz need to win by two points and the total score of the two teams combined must be under 191 points.

Well let's wait and see how this turns out tomorrow, when the game tips off at 9:00 pm ET on ESPN.

Anthony Garcia, you do not ammuse Mo Rivera.

I meant to post this last night, but I couldn't find the photo of the fans that ran out on the field, I was going to use a substitute, but I didn't feel like posting this.

During the 9th inning of the New York Yankees and Texas Rangers game, two fans decided to run out on the field and one of them tried to get a high five from Yankee's leftfielder, Hideki Matsui. He failed miserably as Matsui just pushed him aside. The game was on ESPN, and I guess ESPN doesn't condone showing fans that get on the field, "why give them camera time" so instead they focused their cameras on Mariano Rivera, who is still trying to figure out why he's struggling so much and Mo was not impressed by the fans evading skills.

"I wasn't really concerned," Matsui later said through a translator. "I didn't feel like he was going to attack me or anything."

The other fan soon wound up on the field behind home plate and was quickly handcuffed.

Police identified one of the fans as Anthony Garcia, 22, of Queens. The other, a 15-year-old boy from Rye, wasn't identified because of his age.

A police spokesman wasn't certain early Thursday which of the two had approached Matsui.

The fans were arrested on charges of disorderly conduct, interfering with a sporting event and criminal trespass. Police said Garcia was also charged with resisting arrest. Garcia's home telephone number was unlisted.

Also see this on Babeslovebaseball and Yahoo Sports.

Personally I prefer to throw down at the craps tables, buy hey, that's just me.

Late Sunday night at the Palms casino and resort in Las Vegas, newly signed Miami Dolphins outside linebacker, Joey Porter, got into a bit of a scuffle with Cincinnati Bengal's offensive tackle, Levi Jones.

"A fist fight between two NFL players broke out in the Palms casino on Sunday night, sources said. Joey Porter, an All-Pro linebacker who recently left the Pittsburgh Steelers to join the Miami Dolphins, brawled with Cincinnati Bengals offensive lineman Levi Jones, at about 6 p.m. at a blackjack table in the casino.

Jones, who suffered scratches, told Las Vegas police he would be filing charges against Porter. Sources said there has been bad blood between the two."

First of all, what kind of fight ends with just scratches? And second of all, a Cincinnati Bengal was in a fight, police were called and charges are being filed AND it's not against a Bengal? Wow.

Oh and I read this gem over at the NFL Fanhouse,

"According to a Vegas TV station, you don't get cited in Vegas for a fight unless a police officer actually sees it. So let that be a lesson: If you're going to get into a fight at a casino, look around to make sure no cops are watching."

So not only did they throw fisticuffs in a crowded casino with hundreds of cameras watching their every move, they did it in front of a cop. That is almost as dumb as blowing chunks out of the window when a cop is pulling you over for a suspected DWI, like that would ever happen. So all in all, what have we learned today? Well first apparently Joey Porter fights like catwoman, then, don't fight in front of the police(apparently they're not to keen on that) and finally we learned that I have horrible photoshopping skills.

The NBA All-Star weekend in Vegas.

The festivities kicked off Friday night with the Celebrity basketball game with huge stars such as Carrot Top, Jamie Kennedy, Chris Tucker and David Arquette to name a few. Ok, just give me a second, you see, i'm a little bit star struck...David Arquette...the same guy who was in such inspirational films such as "See Spot Run" and "Ready to Rumble". Anyway, the Western All-Stars defeated the Eastern All-Stars easily,40-21. Thanks to a 14 point effort from Access Hollywood's Tony Potts who was named MVP. An actual athlete was injured in the game, during the 3rd quarter, Saints Rookie running back, Reggie Bush, slightly sprained his ankle when he went for a block and rolled it when he landed. New Orleans, breathe easy, he is fine and he just needed to ice it for awhile.

Here's the full list of the "celebrities" that played.

EAST TEAM
David Arquette (“In Case of Emergency”)
Michael Clarke Duncan (The Green Mile)
Nelly (Grammy Award-winning hip hop artist)
Taye Diggs (Rent, Chicago)
Jamie Kennedy (“Jamie Kennedy Experiment”)
Bobby Flay (“Throwdown with Bobby Flay”)--who??
LaDainian Tomlinson (NFL’s San Diego Chargers)
Carrot Top (comedian) --they use that term extremely lightly.
Chris Tucker (comedian)
Katie Smith (WNBA’s Detroit Shock)
Coach: Tim Legler, ESPN analyst
Asst. Coach – James Pickens Jr. (“Grey’s Anatomy”)

WEST TEAM
James Denton ("Desperate Housewives")
Reggie Bush (NFL’s New Orleans Saints)
Donald Faison (“Scrubs”)
Bow Wow (Roll Bounce)
Tony Potts (co-anchor of “Access Hollywood”)
Nick Cannon (Bobby)
Jonathan Silverman (“In Case of Emergency”)--again, I ask, who??
Tamika Catchings (WNBA’s Indiana Fever)
Coach: Greg Anthony, ESPN
Asst. Coach – Wayne Newton (“Grey’s Anatomy”)

Next up was the Rookie Challenge, the Rookies vs the Sophomores. The game much like years in the past, was filled with absolutely no defense whatsoever, quick shots and unrealistic scores. The Sophomores defeated the Rookies handily once again, 155-114. This score was among many records that were broken Friday night, along with the 155 points put up by the Sophomores, Chris Paul broke the record with his 17 assists, the 77 point first half the Sophomores had was a record,etc. The MVP was awarded to the Knicks, David Lee. Lee went 14/14 from the field, 30 pts overall and 11 rebounds.

Rookies: Rudy Gay, Marcus Williams, Paul Milsap, Adam Morrison, Randy Foye, Jorge Garbajosa, Jordan Farmar, Andrea Bargnani and Brandon Roy.

Sophomores: Andrew Bogut, Chris Paul, Deron Williams, Monta Ellis, Andrew Bynum, Raymond Felton, Danny Granger, David Lee and Luther Head.

Coaches: Mike O'Koren(WAS) and Mike Lavaroni(PHX)

I must admit, I missed everything but the Slam Dunk contest, I lost track of time when I was watching my new dvd, season 1 of "Full House".

Saturday night had a full schedule, with the much anticipated race between Charles Barkley and 67 year old Dick Bavetta, the three point contest, the skills competition and the Slam Dunk contest. The shenanigans started off with the race between Chuck and Dick(sounds like we got a sitcom...) They had to run from one baseline to the other three and a half times. My money was on Bavetta, but Chuck did beat him, in fact he ran the last half of the race running backwards, until he came tumbling down and shook the entire West Coast.

After that thrilling race had ended it was time for the three-point contest in which the participants were Jason Kapono(MIA), Gilbert Arenas(WAS), Damon Jones(CLE), Dirk Nowitzki(DAL), Mike Miller(MEM) and Jason Terry(DAL). Jason Kapono tied a record when he had 24 points in the final round and was able to at last Gilbert Arenas and took home the trophy.

The Skills competition is by far my favorite of the events, and of course I missed it. Miami Heat's Dwyane Wade took home the PlayStation Skills Challenge title for the second straight year, posting a final-round time of 26.4, almost half the time it took Kobe Bryant. Here's a look at what Wade did to win.

And finally the 2007 Sprite Slam Dunk contest, this was just embarrassing, i'm sorry but Michael Jordan is a horrible judge. He wouldn't give a ten much less a nine on the most innovative dunk I have ever seen(coming from a life long Vince Carter fan) and yet he gave a ten to Gerald Green in the final round when all he did was do a "Carter one-handed Windmill" over a two foot table. That might sound like an impressive dunk, and it would have been, if he hadn't done the exact same thing the round before but instead of a 2 ft table he used 5'7" Nate Robinson to jump over. Dwight Howard was robbed, now i'm not saying he would have beaten Gerald Green in the finals who i'm not knocking, he is a great dunker but Howard's "sticker"dunk was amazing. D-Ho as a certain Magic Fan likes to call him, jumped up and did what appeared to be one handed dunk, but he then pointed at the backboard where a sticker of Howard's face was all the way at the top. Dwight Howard dunked the ball, stuck a sticker 12 ft 6 inches high(it was measured by teammate, Jameer Nelson) all in one jump and yet he didn't get a pefect score...in fact good ole' Michael Jordan gave it just an 8. Bullshit...that dunk was awesome.

Tonight is going to be the All-Star game which I will probably miss the a little bit, it's an all-new Family Guy tonight cuz, that's how I roll.

All in all, I think the All-Star game in Las Vegas was a success, I mean, no one was arrested, killed, extorted or bankrupt...well I don't know about that last one, Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan are working overtime to achieve that one.

How do you replace the "stache" in Spokane? With shrooms and pot man...

According to ESPN's Andy Katz, Gonzaga players Josh Heytvelt and Theo Davis have been suspended indefinitely from the team after their arrest Friday night for investigation of drug possession.

Police said they found marijuana and psychedelic mushrooms in their car. Both players were booked into Spokane County Jail for investigation of drug possession, The Associated Press reported.

Cheney Police Commander Rick Campbell said the amount of marijuana was only enough for a misdemeanor, but that possession of mushrooms is a felony.

Police also said they pulled the car over because its tail lights were not working. Campbell said officers smelled marijuana and searched the car, and the players were cooperative.

"It was close to midnight. They needed to have their lights on," Campbell said.

From a basketball perspective, this suspension couldn't have come at a worse time, the Bulldogs are currently tied with Santa Clara atop the WCC and fighting for a spot in the NCAA tournament. Heytvelt is the teams second leading scorer and their leading rebounder. Davis is going to be red shirted because he is set to have surgery to repair damaged ligaments in his shoulder.

With all the arrest of athletes these days, I have one thing to say about these two guys...Shit son, I wanna party with these guys.