Monday, February 05, 2007

I guess there is worse things than losing.

Here's a hell of a question. What's worse, losing the Super Bowl or receiving an anal thrashing on live television?

Now I may be wrong( I don't think I am) but I would say getting mounted while in the "fetal position" by a 250 lb man like he was in heat would be a hell of a lot worse than losing the Super Bowl.

If none of this is making sense to you, then maybe this will help. During the game on Sunday, Robert Mathis sacked Rex Grossman, nothing out of the ordinary there, right? At first, it was just a sack...but sadly it turned into something wrong, wrong and dirty.

See there, nothing out of the ordinary, just a very athletic sack. For most defensive players, the thrill of sacking a quarterback is enough and sacking a quarterback at a pivotal moment in the Super Bowl would be very full-filling for any player's career.But not for Robert Mathis. This great sack only fueled his lust for penetrating something other than the offensive line. And trust me, no amount of chop blocking could stop him when he has his eyes set on something.

As shown here, the "other thing penetrated" was Rex Grossman's fanny. Yes, Rex Grossman had his boyish innocence stripped from him faster than a stripper when she sees a Ben know what i'm talking about. Seriously, try it sometime, just go to your local exotic dancing establishment(aka a titty bar) dangle a couple of dead presidents in front of Candy, Trixie or Bunny(all reasonable stripper names) and watch those panties drop. Anyways, as you see here, Rex is currently getting pounded like theirs no tomorrow. Poor Rex, he can close his eyes all he wants, but at the end of the day, he's still going to be known as the guy who got raped at the Super Bowl. Oh, and you may be wondering "Jay, why didn't Rex try to get away?", well he tried and he almost succeeded. That is until Mathis grabbed his shoulders, you know, for better leverage.

And just like that, Rex's horrible ordeal is over. Robert Mathis used him, abused him and then just left him there like he was a homeless hooker(when your done you can just drop them off anywhere). You got to give it to Rex, instead of sitting there and crying about it, he attempted to play it off by looking for his contacts(He doesn't even wear contacts), he is acting like he didn't have a heap of man love dished his way. I'm sure Rex will get over this incident, in due time but for now, if you see him in public, don't call out "Hey Rex, how's the ass feeling?", it's just embarrassing and in bad taste.

Don't feel too bad for him though, i'm sure he coped with his horrible Sunday by having drunken, angry sex with as many college girls he could.

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