Fast Times at Redneck High....

Well since nothing is really happening in sports right now, let me take this moment to present to all of you....

Fun With Google: The Redneck addition

First off, this was a very special day for me and Davey. It was our prom and we took these lovely ladies. I'm the dashing fellow on the left in the snazzy white suit that my Grandfather was buried in....don't ask me how I got....let's just say alcohol was involved. Davey's date couldn't find a dress, and she was debating on going nude, but her Pa thought that would be in bad taste, so he took down his confederate flag and made her that sexy little number.

As some of you may know, it's hard out here for hick. So obviously Davey and myself couldn't afford the "traditional" hot tub. So we came up with this brilliant idea. We filled up one of the many bath tubs in his front yard with water and we put it over the fire at our hoot-in-nanny.

Here I am on a hot date. It's hard to complain when this is the alternative.

Now when some of you go out to check out women, you go to a night club....not Davey, he goes to the local women's prison to look for chicks just getting released. His moto is " hey, they just got out of prison, they'll do anyone."

Card games have recently became very popular. So I had the great idea to come up with my own card game. The picture is curtisy of Bill, sadly he's no longer with us. He got into a riding lawnmower accident, we tried to tell him 350 horsepower was enough, but hicks will be hicks.

These are Davey's dogs. Blue, Ed and Napoleon. Davey really cares about his dogs, so he decided to put them on the same dental plan as him.

Have you ever wondered what a cup holder looks like in the south. Well just place your beer in between the nearst pair of breast you can find and there ya go.

Davey isn't a big fan of Santa, and he lets him know exactly how he feels.

I was really worried about North Korea testing nukes, so I decided to build my own storm shelter.

What's more important to a redneck than a 12 pack of bud and a nascar race on the tv? Well nothing but his wedding day is a close 2nd.

This is Davey's wedding day, oh come on Davey, don't be camera shy.

Now some brides throw their bouquets, not my blushing bride. She keeps it straight trailer park, lift her up, tap the keg and lets party.

Since down here in the south, were not really known for our smarts, so we had to have the two people who graduated 4th grade to teach our curious youth sex ed.

I was a little mad at Davey for awhile, because he stopped listening to our native country music for an 80's album that just came in a couple of days ago. Well he immediatley took family portraits with his new dew.

Last but certainly not least, here is Davey's drunk 2nd cousin twice removed modeling some redneck maternity wear.

Well that's all for now, I hope you enjoyed.

Big week in Baseball.

Well as you may know, this week was one of the busiest/frustrating times in baseball. The Winter Meetings. It's basically when GMs gather in a hotel and make deals and god only knows what else. I'm not saying that they aren't doing their job, i'm just saying shit can happen when you get a couple of prune daiquiris in ya. This year the meetings were held at Disney Land. That way the GM's could attempt to feel young again by riding roller coasters, stay up past their bed times(8 pm), etc. I'm sure they had the time of their lives in between trades/signings. Those GMs are all old(except for Epstein...he's young so he doesn't count) so I would imagine this was their average days...


3:30 AM: Wake up at the crack of too damn early.

3:32 AM: Try and find your tentures so you don't scare the little kids.

3:45 AM: Get dressed in their finest suits and finest suspenders(John Schuerholz...) and start to walk downstairs to catch breakfast.

3:58 AM: Still walking.

4:25 AM: Stop for a potty break...old people pee alot.

4:47 AM: Yep, still walking.

5:03 AM: Finally they arrive and find out that they are serving their favorites...Bran cereal, prune juice, Flintstone vitamins and a hearty glass of ensure. Life is good.

5:45 AM: Finish breakfast and they all go to a room to talk trades.

11:27 AM: Stop for a lunch break and go to the theme park.

12:49 PM: Decide to go back to the hotel becasue of all the GM's complain that Goofy scared the shit out of them, literally. Someone forgot the depends.

1:32 PM: Arrive back at the hotel but one GM almost falls out of the car and breaks a hip.

2:41 PM: Start up the talks again....

5: 27 PM: Eat dinner, Oh goody its mac and cheese night, and applesauce for desert.

6:40 PM: Nothing else to do so decide to call some "entertainment" and more of the delicious daiquiris.

7:02 PM: The "entertainment" arrives and it nearly kills about 26 of the GM's because it was a stripper...and when they were asked if they wanted entertainment they thought it would be a good game of risk.

7:58 PM: A long and interesting day comes to an end and its off to bed for these very busy and tired little tikes.

That was my vision of a average day in the life of the GM's at Disney Land.


Of course there always has to be one knucklehead that has to over do it. Cubs' GM, Jim Hendry had to undergo an Angioplasty Wednesday. I'm not sure what triggered this but it was probably because he just realized how much money he had spent over the last couple of weeks.



Other news:

John Schuerholz pulled off one of the best trades in some time. He shipped injury plagued and less than average starting pitcher, Horacio Ramirez to Seattle for a stud reliever, Rafeal Soriano. Seattle was desperate for starting pitching that is the only reason why I can think that they would accept a trade as lopsided as this one...touché John....touché.

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's.... the Virginia Tech defense?

Damn skippy! I have a new title for the awesome Virginia Tech Hokie defense, The Fantasic Three( I could only afford three jumpsuits...).

1. Xavier Adibi = Superman

Xavier Adibi makes Superman look like Adam Morrison after that loss to UCLA last year. Not many people know this, but Adibi is Superman's love child, Adibi was conceived after a late Duran Duran show in Topeka, Kansas.(That's how he rollzz)I'm super duper serial!!! Go ahead, take a close look, you'll see the resemblence. "X" can do it all, when he's not forcing opponets to contemplate retirement he flies(did I mention that he can fly? Hmm, probably should mentioned that, oh well) over to differant countries just to have sex with only the most gorgeous women and pillage those countries and take their gold and shit (and that hasn't happened since like 1850, so you know they were like " what the does pillage mean? I think it's a type of biscuit, then why is he taking your watch?...but you know, in differant accents)

2. Victor "Macho" Harris = The Flash

The Flash has nothing on Macho Harris, Harris and Flash had a race last Tuesday. Not only did Macho win, he got his Christmas shopping done, saved a girl scout from a grizzly bear, went through the adoption process and adopted a baby from Antigua and named him Steve and renewed his driver's licenes at the DMV all before The Flash heard "Go". Yeah, I know...your jealous he's not on your team.



3. Vince Hall = Captain America

What more can you say, the man can do no wrong. But unlike Captain America, Vince Hall doesn't need a stupid shield, he doesn't need any armor(wait, do pads count?) I'm not sure if there is a player that hits harder or reads the quarterback better than Hall. Shit, he came out of his mom watching game tape and even takled the doctor for smacking his heinie to hard(thats right, I said heinie, so what, you wanna fight about it?....But just don't hit me too hard, I tend to bruise easy and is there anything less attractive than a grown man weeping? I thought so.)