Saturday, February 03, 2007

What an interesting night I had.

Well last night I received a call about 1:30 that my older sister had been in a car accident. Well being the great brother that I shouted gibberish, threw on my flip flops and jumped in the car to go to her rescue. When I arrived both cars involved were totaled but no one was hurt. So after I asked my sister 178 times if she was sure she was ok, and after waiting about 3 hours we went home. Well since everything was ok, I have decided to give all of you a time-line of the events that happened last night.

10:00 PM- Put on my pajamas(which is nothing, that's how I roll), brush my teeth and go to bed. Yes, I went to bed at 10 on a Friday, why you ask, because I am a very lonely person. So what does any lonely person do when they get into bed? No, not that, pervs... pop in season 2 of Spongebob Squarepants.

10:04 PM- Cry myself to sleep

11:29 PM- Wake up abruptly because I think someone is standing over me. Remember that even a rapist wouldn't waste their time with me and settle down and fall back into a deep sleep.

12:42 PM- Wake up once again, because the overwhelming need to urinate, so as I walk to the bathroom all disoriented and I pee in the bathtub. What? I'm a man. A man with very very bad aim.

1:31 PM- Receive phone call that my sister was in a car accident so I rush to put on my flip flops and jump into the car. I arrived about 5 minutes later and see that two cars were involved. There was one police car at the scene, but I couldn't see the cop, nor anyone involved.

So I get out of my car and yell my sister's name, and she answers back. I ran over to my sister, her friend and the cop is running around hysterically. I also should mention, I have never seen a run quite like his technique. He ran perfectly horizontal, arms straight and at his hips and his neck was rocking back and forth like a chicken. Interesting way of doing it, but hey it works I guess. Anyways the Cop ran everywhere even when his destination was less than 10 feet away, he ran. Finally I caught up with him and I was able to have a chat with him as we were running.

Jay: Hey, what happened here?
Cop: I don't know.
Jay: What do you mean you don't know?
Cop: I'm trying to ask everyone that was involved to see what happened...*he finally stops and looks at me*...Why aren't you wearing any pants?
Jay: Umm, why are you changing the subject?
Cop: Well I just find it a little weird that you would come to an accident wearing a Care Bears t-shirt and flip flops...no pants...no underwear.
Jay: Hey, don't be hatin' on my gear...and don't act like your not impressed.
Cop: Sir, i'm going to have to ask you to please cover up.
Jay: Why?
Cop: Because sir, your naked with you pee pee dangling in 10 degree weather it's very inappropriate.
Jay: Be that as it may, stop looking at my goodies, freak.

So I open my trunk and find my gym bag that has my gym shorts in it, I put them on, even though I see no problem with being my own person and standing at a crime scene with my boy parts dangling in the crisp February air.

I could tell that this was his first time doing anything like this, he had the look of a 30 year old man that still lives with his mother and still wears pajamas with footies. Finally the rather mannish female called the cop that reminded me alot of Barney Fife, I heard her(him whatever) tell him to go take down everyone's statement. I don't know why but this is where he broke down. I mean, he just loses his shit. I could tell he was nervous, you know not really ready to take control of the situation, but I never expected what I saw. He started crying, requesting people to call his mother, and I think the smelled a hint of human fecal matter. Now i'm not saying a grown man shit himself, but I will say...yeah a grown man shit himself.

So I guess you can say it was a very interesting night.

2 comments:

Davey said...

u managed to fit in the word "goodies"...

impressive

Jay said...

thank you...i try...